So my friends all went to Ithaca. The bitches. And the worst thing is that they went to see my favorite band of all time. Without me! It's not like they didn't invite me, they did. It's that they went despite the fact that i couldn't go. Who was the one who properly introduced them to the band? ME! Who was the one who knew about the concert first? ME! Who is the one who knows every lyric by heart? ME! Who is it that hopes they have a sucky time? ME! Yes, it's stupid and childish, I'm aware. It doesn't change the fact that they went without me and i am extremely upset! and to replace me they took someone who doesn't know them at all. They couldn't have taken someone who knows the words or knows some of their songs at least? no. bad choice people! if they meet andrew, if they get one of his sweety towls, if they buy a shirt, if they have any souvenir from that concert, i will hate them forever. FOREVER! i hope it rains on them all weekend. 

Well. this week has been rather trying. And i'm sure that i have flown through fifty million emotions within a short amount of time. But i've learned alot from it. It's started yesterday. Everyone was grumpy and causing me pain and...well, i just seemed like no one cared. and of course they do care. they do, they did, i knew that then and i still know that now. but it comes to a point where i need to hear it always and when i don't it's like 'ahh!'. And i had no one o talk to about it, because the one person i was talking to laughed. It feels like yesterday was so long ago. Because i went through a million emotions since then. Today everyone was so different. so much happier and encouraging. And i learned a big lesson today. Not about my friends, duh i love them, what's more to get? No, i learned that i need to start slowing down. Because i've been so worried about everything like the trips and what i'm going to do with my life. but then i was thinking about the musical and i just thought 'why aren't i in this?' i fucking rock, and i'm not in this? Which brought me to thinking. I don't know what i'll be in life, but i have time to decide. and i have time for the trips and alot of other decisions i need to make, and maybe i should stop trying to cram it in. Because that just won't work. I need to take one day at a time. Slowly but surely. And soon i'll figure out what i truely want. Who i truely want. and everything else i want so desperately to know. gosh. 

Okay. so he's partly mine again. he's getting bored with his other half. good. and we talk more. and it's nice. and i realised that no, i don't like him like that. i'm just freaking dependent on him liking me. and i hardly see laura anymore. which is sad. cause i freaking miss her. and when i see her, it's not her. so today, i went to the movies, with my friends. and he's on one side, and laura on the other side. so of course i freaking hang onto him for the life of me. it was the ring 2. and i holdhis hand. i make him. and i love the kid. and everyone knows that is he's anyones, that he's mine. and she walks out with her arm in his. uh, sorry. no. but oh well. i'm getting him back. to me again. i wish i actually liked him. then maybe i wouldn't have such a big headache.

yeah so my friends boyfriend is hot. i know it. he might not know it. if only he didn't insult me every two seconds. oh well. maybe she'll break up with him. i still couldn't go out with him though. then i'd have my other friend to deal with. so then i'll go for the other italian i am destined to marry. oh blah, maybe i'll wait a while for that one and just skip to the blonde hair blue eyed hottie. Who i flirt with on a constant basis. and maybe if he wasn't such a bitchy whiny ass boy, then i could like him more. but alas. all i get from his is the bitching. oh get a life. so maybe i'll go to the other blonde hair blue eyed boy. who is incredibly nice to me. and oh so cute. i can just talk to him just to watch him blush. as long as he goes to japan i should be fine. oh, i wish i knew him better. he'll never like me. so i guess that just leaves me with the stupid red head. who's smile i love. and stupidness ever amuses me. gosh, what a stupid life.